Walking through the park, headphones on, bobbing my head gently in tune to classical music. Everything around me moves in slow motion; the sun playing hide seek behind burly tree branches, casting shadows upon the colourful fallen leaves. I smile. The first true smile that I can remember - my first time smiling alone in a long time. And I think...
This is my first time without him.
It was here when I met him. His smile was almost as radiant as this sun, and I was drawn to it like a bee to honey. Our shy smiles turned into longer eye contact, our bodies positioning towards each other. Everything was in synch. By the end of it, we were laughing. In those 10 minutes, he made me laugh more than I've laughed the entire year.
He consumed me. All my thoughts, all my emotions - everything was his. Of course, he didn't want it. His mood changed as quickly as the seasons and I didn't know why. I sensed hatred, a deep yearning for something else that not even my nurturing persona could comprehend or aid. After prodding and poking at my self-esteem, I let him go. Actually, he lost me.
- crunch -
That sound of leaves under my feet serves as a rude awakening. Everything clicks now... He came at a time of loneliness. Rather than taking him at face value, my mind turned him into a warped idea of a knight in shining armour saving me from my discontent. I lied, this wasn't my first time without him. He was absent many times when I wanted him near, but I just kept forgiving for as long as my ideal version of him was embedded in my brain. No, this was my first time without him in mind... The tight grasp he had on my heart was invented by me.
Today, that grasp is released. I am free.
Hard to believe I've known him for only a week. ;)
22.11.12
20.11.12
But it's just easier.
It's easier to dumb society down. Easier to plaster photoshopped, ditzy women on magazine covers and expose the lives of Brangelina and Snooki. Easier to run drive to McDonald's. Easier to market mainstream, autotuned "music" about poppin' bottles and models hanging off your arms.
It's much harder to stop. Why should we?
Why should we read a book? An actual book with real pages. (A page of tweets does not equal a page of a book.) Why should you exercise your concentration by doing such a thing? Can't that come from focusing on your video games for 2 hours?
It's much harder to open your eyes to the world as a whole. Much harder to learn new things and have an open mind...to be disciplined and aspire for more.
It's much harder to expose the lives of everyday people. Who cares about that? If we did, we would all be stopping strangers saying, "Hey, tell me your life from age 0 up 'til now - your dreams, your loves, and your losses. You have 10 minutes. Go!" I mean, maybe if the person was worth millions and had double Ds.
Are we really that pathetic? Must we live our lives through other people? Will Smith said it best - that people are scared of success and view it as something completely unattainable. That's fine. Continue what you're doing, but don't blame anyone but yourself. At least you're making it easier for the rest of us.
It's much harder to stop. Why should we?
Why should we read a book? An actual book with real pages. (A page of tweets does not equal a page of a book.) Why should you exercise your concentration by doing such a thing? Can't that come from focusing on your video games for 2 hours?
It's much harder to open your eyes to the world as a whole. Much harder to learn new things and have an open mind...to be disciplined and aspire for more.
It's much harder to expose the lives of everyday people. Who cares about that? If we did, we would all be stopping strangers saying, "Hey, tell me your life from age 0 up 'til now - your dreams, your loves, and your losses. You have 10 minutes. Go!" I mean, maybe if the person was worth millions and had double Ds.
Are we really that pathetic? Must we live our lives through other people? Will Smith said it best - that people are scared of success and view it as something completely unattainable. That's fine. Continue what you're doing, but don't blame anyone but yourself. At least you're making it easier for the rest of us.
18.11.12
13.11.12
It's fun to dream. Mine are recurring, simply because there is only one. The one being my alter-ego...fluent in many languages, traveling, working on creative projects, and establishing a global network. Meditating, being healthy, feeling my spirit, becoming one with this universe of interconnectivity - that is me. Then I wake up from the dream...I wake up to a crazy world with a smile that comes from years of disciplined, calculated thoughts and mantras. As the day progresses, my concentration on the mundane, difficult, intricate fades...and it turns into a spiraling colourful vision of art, magic, laughter, simplicity. Then I snap back to reality, snap up opportunities for advancement, whilst turning down the ones for happiness. But it's okay. Because soon this long term relationship will be over, and I will be in the real world making my own decisions and doing what I want. Right? Until then, screw spinach - someone give me chocolate.
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